A Batty Life

Guilty Conscience vs. Compassion

Feeling like I could puke, and my legs were going to brake due to the painful heat jumping out of them weakening me, I had no choice but to yell WOO HOO!, and YEA! with every push in my last breaths because I felt so bad for the stinkin’ instructor since the class was quieter than a library full of sleeping babies.

Then there was the time our waitress looked all sad and I told her sometimes you just need to talk about it, and MAN did she ever, so much so that I missed eating listening to all of her strange issues,I mean how could I eat??? Although…it didn’t seem to even phase my mother…

Not too long ago I felt bad for the new girl in my daughters class, so I tried to make her comfortable telling her about the time I tried to be funny and gassed myself by accident in front of the boy I liked,
forgetting the fact that I am a 36 year old woman….

I have soooo many experiences in my life where I am too busy feeling bad for people,and I wind up getting in a weird position I can’t escape, or acting bizarre putting my foot in my mouth.

So whats up? Why? Which is it guilty conscience or compassion?

I just don’t like when I see someone being ignored, or with a chance that they may be sad, discouraged, or dismissed. And to imagine for even a second that I was responsible for making them feel that way is too much to bear!

Perhaps its due to the fact that for most of my adulthood basically I have been a loner in this world. And all the hard work that I have done to pull myself deep into denial and be OK with it has been a long hilly road, and one that not everyone can handle without being broken down.
Man seems so deep when I put it like that, sheesh who knew?!

Thankfully I have my family, and I have Facebook and Twitter…AKA people from a far, and yes I have 2 physical friends that are always way too busy to hang…And the great teachers at our school that like me when I’m there…
Honestly, sometimes its hard to be a loner as I see so many people with a crap load of friends always having parties, on the phone, even talking in the neighborhood or on the car line at school. Although I am so happy for them that they have a support system if needed, and someone to talk to anytime of the day, I find myself a little lonely some days, and well I just don’t want anyone else to feel that way.
(That is where I usually start making a fool of myself)

But….
Then, there are times when I am giving out hugs to beautiful people I don’t know that are on cloud nine feeling brawny and victorious at the Special Olympics wearing their medals .
Or making grumpy bitter old woman who just want to be left alone, smile if only for a 1/2 hour, and actually love it! Times where we act like the Easter Bunny and make children and their mothers forget they are homeless for that hour. Times where I get to know men living in the streets give them hope,and acceptance.

Most importantly there are 365 days where I get to hang with the coolest little kids in the world, and really get to know, respect and enjoy them. Those kids, are mine.
And, when he’s home, I get to laugh, chill and play with my best friend, my husband.
So…You see I’ll take loner any day if these are the rewards I get instead.

In the end I just want everyone to be happy, because I am, and truthfully… because I understand and really care.
But…No one said it was going to be easy having compassion…
….or having a Guilty conscience…

Let Go And Let God

Recently I was asked by some really awesome old Disney friends to make a video entry for Oprah’s new Network OWN

I thought about it soooo excitedly!!! Dreaming of my family and I in our own variety talk show. A cross between The Jackson 5 meets Oprah, only not Oprah…ME!!! This could be a show where I not only interview celebrity’s, but a show where I could ask them to spread the cheese, the happy! They could help give ideas, secrets, advice on how they live happily, about how they help the community, the world, themselves!! It would be a show where I could go out and help people, at the same time showing viewers how they can live happy. We all need something to look forward too, we all need a push, a reason to wake up and do the same monotonous thing day after day, and I could help them! Then at the end of each show, my family and I could make a music video, or a funny skit,a commercial, or little movie trailer spoof. It would not only make people laugh, but it could motivate families to do the same thing with their children! I was oozing with excitement thinking faster than ever before, with a HUGE cheesy crazy looking smile painted on my face!

But…. I quickly shook it off doubting myself as most all of us are our own worst enemies judging ourselves. I knew millions of people would be doing this, some that were actors, or have a had experience, more schooling, better looking, ideas that made sense, more friends to vote, and frankly I didn’t really have time to sit and make a video of just myself…

Then, my friends took it a step further making a facebook fan page for my family and I as support

Click here to be a fan!At that point I was totally flattered and thought I can at least give it a try.Having no time to make a big production as I would normally do, being the over doer that I am.. I read the rules, and saw I couldn’t use our music videos, or make one without using the music they had the rights for, and having just talked to my eager friends they said I should make a video and fast! So everything pointed to me making a video of me, being me, with just a little taste of my really cool family

This link below is my actual entry if you want to vote
http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=add_video&entity_id=208179153

Things were going GREAT! People were voting, I although wishing I had said more about the “show idea” and changed a few other things, it was OK. I believe in God, and knew, really this is up to him, not winning a show but my future. And I am VERY OK with that .    But then…other people started entering, and getting more votes, and funny video, and more votes, and saying their show ideas, and then passing me BIG time with votes, until I was at the bottom of the food chain!! I started getting upset, feeling embarrassed, and wishing I had done things differently or, not at all.

2 nights ago I decided to give up, Let Go and Let God. After sending out vote 4 me videos, and ignoring my husband when we should have been loving each other, stressing out, and getting down, when I am normally so happy! I knew that this was taking over my head, my life, and in a very unhealthy way. I am so happy I entered, and I pray I make it, but that is really all I need to do at this point, and that is very healthy, and not as hard as stressing at all!

I feel soooo much better now! Like I detoxed and I’m out of the thick fog of worry and woe,and  I am so happy with my choice. There comes a point in all of our lives when really we are powerless, and there is nothing we can do. I go through this often, with the recession, with my jewelry sales, with my husband having to work on Saturdays, the store being out of my fat free ice cram sandwiches! The point is we all need to let go sometimes, although it seems so easy, and uncomfortably comfortable to hold on tightly with some sort of control, its important to be honest with ourselves. It’s not always up to us, and even if your not sure about your faith, to let go is to give yourself a gift.

Anyway thanks for letting me share,and who knows maybe I’ll see you all on TV one day

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It is better to give than receive.

Plus its KILLS me to make all this jewelry and have no one wearing it!

So last month Chris finally got a job! And I wanted to celebrate with the world!!! We might actually be able to keep the house, we might build up from the bottom of the food chain after all,we actually got our garbage pick up service back! And it was something HUGE to celebrate! Although Lotto would have been much better…

Anyway knowing that I really had no friends in physical reach besides maybe,2…I did know I had a lot of facebook  friends who really prayed, supported us, and sent positive vibes our way on our long scary journey though the unknown world of RECESSION!!!! And I wanted to give them something since they couldn’t come party at my house.

(Click these words to see the contest)- We had this giveaway on facebook

And this was the 1st out come -(click on the words to see the video)

We sent Joey this:

Willow made her little boy who is a big fan of Elmo’s, this oil/acrylic painting.
And I sent joey a mothers bracelet using her birthstones, pearl and Swarovski crystal Alexandrite, to hug her little 2 year old boys birthstone, Emeralds, and I accented it with his initials, and some pretty red pedals.
I truly hope it bring her luck and happiness through her journey of motherhood:)

The second part of this party was making a music video commercial for batyhead.com to our favorite fan picked song.

and as embarrassing as this music video may be for me here it is…..(click those words if you dare…)

An old childhood friend of mine from the 80’s won! We sent Billy and his Fiancé this:

Bella-Sky made a portrait form a beautiful picture we found of them on face book.

And I made them his/hers bracelets. Them being New Yorkers, I knew I needed to use 3 different sized and textured black onyx beads. I also found this CRAZY chunk of fools gold that is sooo 80’s for him and Quartz Crystal hunks for her. I accented her bracelet with copper, and jet black Swarovski crystals. I pray it brings them years and years of the most romantic marriage ever,next to mine…

Anyway there was one more person I couldn’t forget about….

Our #1 fan, I sent her a set, but forgot to take a picture of the necklace, come on I have a house full of children and music, cut me some slack! Anyway this is the bracelet:

I used Mongolian Fluorite green tourmaline and copper accents. Only the best for Our #1 Fan Thanks Cyndi

Well the good news is that I LOVE giving things away it just feels sooo right!

But from now on I am going to go through the people on my facebook fan page, or costumers, so please become a fan, or shop Battyhead.com and make a difference…and win something!